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Absolute Naturists Sole nudist in a family
| What are your thoughts on how a sole nudist in a family should behave around his/her family? Should we openly practice our preference for nude living around our non-nudist spouse and children or should we hide it away? Your thoughts please. | |
| I say live openly nude as long as they are okay with it. Unfortunately, I cannot do so myself, though I'd certainly love to. My wife will tolerate a certain level of open nudity when we're alone. My daughter also is tolerant, knowing I sunbathe nude and sit at the computer nude. Sometimes she'll come to me to ask a question or to have me hold the grandaughter while I'm fully nude without comment. However, she doesn't want me to walk around or lounge in front of her and the baby fully nude. She is okay with me wearing only a terry wrap however. Jim | |
| There is a group dedicated to these types of questions/issues: "When your spouse is not a nudist." This is not a rebuttal, just an FYI if you're looking for more pointed feedback on the topic. But to answer your question; there are so many factors that come into play that it's hard to give advice with limited info. There is no "one size fits all" answer here. There are reluctant wives that are ok with their spouse's nudist proclivities as long as it stays within a certain time/area/circumstance. And then there are nudity-adverse spouses that are intolerant of nudity outside of the bedroom. As for kids, their age will also factor in and change up the equation depending on what it is. In my early days of marriage, I had discussed nudism with my new bride, I had books and magazines, and she'd even browsed through a few of them. There were definitely several discussions about it. So it wasn't exactly surprising when I started spending most of my time at home nude. And she totally found it quirky at first. But then she started getting used to it. Eventually, after the birth of our daughter, she adopted home-nudism herself, when she found she was much more relaxed and easy-going when she just came home and undresed after a hard day at work. Obviously, an older couple or one with teens is going to have to deal with a completely different equation.. | |
| I guess it depends on what point you are trying to make. As the old addage goes, you will always attract more bees with honey than vinegar. I agree with Nudony,there are many shades to the question and there is not a single answer. The point you are trying to make I think is that there is nothing wrong with social nudity. So teach them that first before giving the final exam. Some people are open to learning and some are not. That's just the way it is. | |
| It all goes with education and patience. I live nude most of my time at home, even though my wife and kids don't. I did not in my early days of marriage, but slowly the need grew of being naked as much as I could. So we discussed a lot, I shared some great books and magazines. The side effect was that my kids (teenagers) are now really comfortable with their own nudity, even though they do not feel the need to be nude at home 24x7, and my wife is OK with it. But again, Rome was not built in a day, so time is needed! | |
| The reason I asked this question was to get other perspectives on living as an "absolute nudist" within a family of non-nudists. My wife has always known of my preference for being nude, but she is rarely nude about the house, other than for bathing or sex. She does sleep nude. When our kids got past 4 or5 years old she became insistant that I not let them see me nude, particularly my daughter. My oldest is now 18 and my daughter is 15. For several years their schedules were predictable, allowing me to be nude in the mornings. That has changed, and they had caught me nude on several occasions. After a point I just stopped hiding from them and openly go nude at home. I had hoped that doing so would bring about discussion of nudism, allowing me to educate them and their mom about what nudism really is. So far that hasn't happened, and I am still the lone nudist. My wife has been tolerant of my nudity at home around the kids, but will not discuss nudism at all. | |
| Let me ask you this; does your wife ask you to sit and listen to her concerns or something of importance to her? Do your kids ask you if they can talk to you about something important to them? In line with what SB is saying ... maybe it's time to have a sit down with the family ... or one on one and tell them, educate them on nudism and what you do and why you do it. THEY are ALL thinking it's about sex. It's time to educate them that simple nudity is NOT about sex. I'd start with you wife first. In my opinion ... if she's not onboard and not willing to defend or at least stand beside you on your feelings and desires ... then trying to get the kids onboard is a moot point. Pitting one against the other is not what you want to do ... so I'd suggest getting your wife to at least understand what it's about, agree that it's not just about showering and sex ... heck, you said yourself she sleeps nude, so that blows that theory. In our relationship, it was my wife that decided to tell the girls that we had continued our nudist lifestyle even after they stopped and where it was we went and how we live. It was important to her to tell them so they didn't think "I" was forcing my wife to do this. It's important for partners to support each other, especially with older children but ... they must understand and support your ideas and philosophies before they can support you in them to others. Good luck, let us know how it goes. FP ;) | |
| Hill_Billy, in your explanation you used a very telling word... Caught. When you get caught doing something it is usually a bad thing of some sort and a expression guilt. In my thinking you need to work on yourself before working on them or you will get CAUGHT with your pants down. Not good. | |
| I used the word "caught" because I was being pushed to hide from the kids, not because I felt I was doing something wrong. My personal feelings are that simple, non-sexual nudity within the family is perfectly fine. My wife was very insistent that I stop being nude, and once stated that I was NOT going to raise the kids as nudists. | |
| FP said: "I'd start with you wife first. In my opinion ... if she's not onboard and not willing to defend or at least stand beside you on your feelings and desires ... then trying to get the kids onboard is a moot point." No doubt. I once chatted with an individual online who was using his kids as a "home-nudism" strategy. His wife tore him a new one so deep that he altogether renounced home-nudism. It wasn't pretty. "Later-in-life" nudists have to face the additional dilemma of years/decades of habit. Daily habits and routines repeated over years that DO NOT include openly walking around the house nude. Most people don't want their routine shattered or challenged. So it takes that much more "psychology" to engender a mindset change. You're going to have to get philosophical. You're going to have to initiate conversations that not only solicit feedback; but incite her to articulate her objections. Put forth a reasoning behind the normalcy of nudity at home. The only way to win her over is to cause her to rethink her position on home-nudity; which won't happen without putting forward valid and resonable arguments. If she refuses to participate in the conversation, remind her of it the next time she wants to talk about something personal to her. Not being mean - but being fair. | |
| As has been mentioned, there is no single, easy answer. Like me, when I was young and lived at home, my mother was aware that I was spending time nude. Would I be openly nude, now as an adult, in front of my mother? No, because she wouldn't be comfortable with it. The adage "your rights end at the tip of my nose" comes to mind. You have to consider others comfort level at being around a nude person. | |
| I agree to a degree Lacy but ... the same could and should go for those, in regards, to us and our rights and way of life. I will agree that there are times when I must get dressed when our daughters and son in laws, or other family members come over and know they will not be comfortable with my nudity but ... There are also times when I've been working or relaxing out back and my wife says ... " ... (our youngest or oldest) is stopping by to pick something up but not staying long." So ... do I get dressed or just continue what I'm doing? Most times ... I remain naked and when I do get dressed ... it's in my mesh shorts you can see through anyway. They come out, say "hi", give me a hug, ask what I'm doing and then go back inside and when they leave, they'll come to the back door and say "bye." I can tell they aren't "that" comfortable with my nudity in this environment. For us ... it's an everyday way of life and we don't think about being naked. For our daughter's ... they enjoy/enjoyed their nude recreation but still are not nudists as we are. Even if the dabble in it at home ... it's still not a way of life for them and ... it makes it tough when they've seen us naked, been naked here, swim naked, take showers outside, gone to nude venues and even vacationed with us at a nude resort for a week but still feel the need to cover when they come inside and that's not us ... but we will relent and cover so not to make them uncomfortable but then ... we aren't as comfortable! ;) | |
| Well, FP, you said your daughters enjoyed nude recreation, but aren't nudists. That's the rub, they aren't nudists the way you are. I am nude at home, my mother has seen me nude, of course, but I wouldn't be openly nude in front of her. She wouldn't be comfortable with it, and a little discomfort on my part, by getting dressed, is a small price to pay, IMO. | |
| BUT ... if we truly believe that we are living a normal life, just like everyone else ... why do we have to change our life for those that don't live as we do? I'm not disagreeing with you ... in fact, I'm somewhat of a hypocrit because I believe that the way we live is not only good, healthy and absolutely nothing wrong with it ... but ... I will still cover occasionally when my daughter's visit. They know ... They know that we are nudists. That's why they call before they show up. For me, because of this philosophy I have, I'll refuse to get dressed occasionally. I think the exposure to simple nudity, as they are exposed to when coming here, is more proof that there's nothing wrong with it and it's just a way of life for some. It begins to erase the idea in their heads that ... nudity = sex ... always! Believe me ... I talk a better story than I wish I lived. I wished I could not give a damn about anyone else's feelings of discomfort but mine but that's not reality. The only thing that would change that is for us to finally move to a nude community where they know coming through the gates that this is the way they will see us and socialize with us. ;) | |
| "The only thing that would change that is for us to finally move to a nude community where they know coming through the gates that this is the way they will see us and socialize with us." FP, I don't know if you remember this episode of Taboo (National Geo) where they profiled a lady living at a nudist resort in FL. She talked about the "fight" with her daughter to get her three grandkids to be able to come visit her at her resort; knowing they'd have to be nude to visit her. And how she reached an agreement with her daughter on them being able to visit. The segment did feature the three grandkids talking about getting used to being nude with Grandma. But that's one heck of a commitment. And one heck of a risk. I wouldn't blame anyone, no matter how devoted to nudism, for not taking that plunge. You ultimately have to take into consideration your family and freinds. Or risk ending up alone. | |
| Everyone's situation is different and everyones family dynamic is different. Generalized statements can work for the majority but do not fit or work as an end all for every family. We are fortunate, our girls and son in laws have visited resorts, clubs and beaches with us. The grandkids are on board, currently, with nudity and are fine with it. Could that change with a move to a nude community? Sure, but like getting used to being nude and granpa and granma's was an adjustment they made and are comfortable with ... a move to a nude community would also be an adjustment and something I feel very strongly that they would adjust to. Being exposed to bits of simple nudity was what brought our girls back to nudism, even if just recreational nudism. Not making a big deal outta not wearing a suit when the grandkids came over, got them to do it. Talking with them, sharing information, sharing pictures, having them meet our closest nudist friends ... was all apart of exposing them to the MANY positives and benefits of nudism and that's why they were more than eager to go to Club Orient with us for a week and did not hesitate to jump in with both feet soon after our arrival. In fact, when we were talking about buying a place at our club, our oldest and her husband both asked, "would it be permanent or could it be rented out?" I said ... "we'd probably rent it out to family and friends." He replied, "that would be cool, we just need to get our friends on board." So one daughter and one son in law are looking for a weekend nudist place to stay and the youngest is eagerly waiting for me to get some info for her to join AANR and our club ... so if these family members are onboard ... I really don't care about any of the others! LOL ;) | |
| I think you should give it a shot then. Back in GA I looked at economical ways to live at a resort; and putting up a nice little trailer on the resort grounds was fairly inexpensive. There is a bit of a stigma attached to trailers, but there are some really nice ones - fairly luxurious too. If you split your time between your two homes, your family would have more incentive to "leave their clothes at the gate" when visiting and broaden their experience of nude living. It would also be a good gauge of how willing they'd actually be to come visit you in a clothesfree environment (not that your your home isn't clothesfree...but a resort is different...) And then if it turned out to be a success, you could just rent out the trailer and buy/build and actual home at the resort. Oops...there I go again being personal...just throwing ideas out there...not that you need them...lol!! :) | |
| FP, you said: BUT ... if we truly believe that we are living a normal life, just like everyone else ... why do we have to change our life for those that don't live as we do? --- I would hope that living a normal life would include making adjustments for those around you, who might not be totally comfortable with everything you do. As I stated for myself, I would not be openly nude in front of my mother, even though she's seen me nude, and is probably aware on some level, that I spend a lot of time nude. She wouldn't be comfortable with it, so I make adjustments to my behaviour. | |
| Nudony: That is the plan ... but, like many others everywhere and on this board, the current economic climate and our personal situation can't just go out and make the move, right now. It is being discussed seriously and when a few other issues involving our financial well being are dealt with ... and the Prof retires in a couple years, we'll look into what's available. I truly don't have a problem with "trailers" but it would be cramped as a second home. Most likely we'd rather have a single wide manufactured home but ... in all seriousness ... a plot within the gates would be great too and we could decide what we want to put there. ------------------------------------------------- Lacey: I understand and agree. As I stated, I can be hypocritical on this topic. If I could do it all the time, be naked when non nudists visit, I would never put shorts or shorts and t shirt on when they came to visit. I just think that exposing friends and loved ones to little bits of simple nudity can make them "ok" with it over time. It may not work for everyone but it's worked for me. Most everything I post is about me and my wife's experiences, personally. It doesn't ALWAYS work for us but we have had many more successes than setbacks. I give my personal experiences, opinions and advice on what "we" did and what worked and what didn't but that doesn't mean it'll work for anyone or everyone else. Appreciate the feedback and comments. Always good to have you posting. I enjoy reading what you have to say. FP | |
| FP, I think it's great your family is onboard with nudity, even on a limited basis. Hopefully you and the Prof will be able to find your dream home where you'll never have to dress if you don't want to. Sure wish I could live in such an environment but don't think my wife will ever feel comfortable with open nudity at home or elsewhere. Jim | |
| hahahahaha... not sure about "it" being our dream home but I'd like to give it a shot and I think the Prof is warming up to the idea of a place to go but not live there permanently. I think she'd be fine with a week, two weeks but to live there ALL the time, she probably would not want to do that ... only because we would run the risk of not having "friends" over in that home but the kids and grandkids would come visit regardless of where we live. We'll see what happens in the next couple of years, after she retires. ;) | |
| Lacey said: "As I stated for myself, I would not be openly nude in front of my mother, even though she's seen me nude, and is probably aware on some level, that I spend a lot of time nude. She wouldn't be comfortable with it, so I make adjustments to my behaviour." And I've done the same. When my Mom came over to visit for a couple of weeks every year, it was "clothed time" for the family. My Mom just wouldn't have been comfortable around us nude. But it was discussed. When I "came out" we got into a lengthy conversation about it; she simply told me that she approved of it, but could not participate because of her deep-rooted personal hang-ups with nudity. It was just a short two week adjustment, at the conclusion of which we'd head right out to the resort and resume our "tradition" at home. On the other hand, it was completely different with my MIL. When my x did her "coming out", it was met with humorous curiosity by her Mom. So the next time she came over for a visit, the wife just opened the door nude and went right back to finishing dinner au naturel. And that was it for them; my wife usually stayed nude when her Mom came over. And then there was my niece. "Bit" by the nudist bug thanks to my daughter. Again, there was a conversation with my SIL, who was explained the nude nature of our home-life. She was ok with it and allowed her daughter to be clothesfree during her stay with us. But there was a little bit of a hang-up with male nudity. I had no problem keeping on a pair of shorts when she stayed over. The girls being able to have fun nude at my house was more important than my own nudity. Obviously, I think being able to talk about it is important. That way you really know what they're thinking instead of assuming they just won't be comfortable with it. But then there are people that are just not at that stage where, like my x, they can just do their thing at home completely nude with their Mom there (I'd be a liar if I said I was ever comfortable nude around my MIL...) And then there are situations where past history makes a "coming out" problematic or undesirable... So I guess there is no right or wrong answer... | |
| Nudony, I have discussed nudity with my mother, in general conversational terms, which is how I know she wouldn't be comfortable with it. About once a year, I find a way to bring up nudism to her. Earlier this year, I brought up this: http://wtkr.com/2012/05/11/the-naked-truth-owner-of-white-tail-park-speaks-out-about-postal-workers-complaints/ And when Congressman Yoder did his skinny dip in Israel. She's said things like she could never do that, and she wouldn't know what to do if exposed to a nudist, etc. You know, sometimes you just don't upset the apple cart, so to speak. *shrug* | |
| My own mother would definitely be uncomfortable, I think, with me appearing nude in front of her, therefore I didn't expose myself to her when I visited though if it had happened I don't think I'd have run away or hidden from her. And, if she'd invited me to go nude in her presence I would have probably done so. At least I'd feel good about it knowing she was okay with it. The last time I brought up the subject with her she said even trees "wear" leaves. If in my own home then it might be a different matter if longterm. But, I have never gone nude in the presence of any visitor to my home, even donning a shirt when they're present. Jim |
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